Bad Night For Breaking And Entering
by Red Witch
Summary: A burglar learns the hard way there are some houses you just shouldn't go into.


**I don't own any Invader Zim characters! Madness! Yes I know it's madness! And so is this insane story I just made up for the fun of it! MADNESS! **

**Bad Night For Breaking And Entering**

Sticky Fingers Malone, or Sticky as his associates called him looked at the odd little house with the lawn gnomes and the blowfish all around it. He was one of the city's best thieves. And this unassuming yet weird little house was his latest target.

"This looks like an easy job," He smirked to himself as he pulled out a small device. It was his personal invention. "Now to turn on my Security Breaker so I can bypass any security systems."

The device beeped and twittered. "And that is the end of that," Sticky smirked. "I dunno how much I can get tonight out of this place but any little bit will do. Whatever I find I can pawn off and pay back the Boss so I don't get my legs broken."

He was about to sneak in a window under the cover of darkness when he noticed that the front door was open. "Oh this is gonna be easy," He snickered. "This joint is begging to be robbed."

He opened the door and saw a little green dog watching TV. Sticky smiled. He knew how to handle dogs. "Here Fido," He took out some beef jerky. "Here Pooch. Come get the yummy snacks!"

"Shhhhhhh!" The little green dog waved as if he couldn't be bothered.

"Come get your snacks," Sticky called out.

"Ooh! You got any waffles?" The little green dog turned and looked at him.

"You…You can **talk?"** Sticky gasped.

"Where are my waffles?" The little dog got off the couch and looked at him.

"Oh you're coming with me," Sticky grabbed the little dog.

"Okay!" The little dog waved cheerfully as Sticky put him in the bag.

"Gir! I need you to…" A little green alien with antennae and red eyes walked in. "HEY! What are you doing in my secret base?"

"Secret…HOLY CRAP! YOU'RE AN ALIEN!" Sticky gasped. "AAAAHHH!"

"AAAHHH!" Zim yelled. "INTRUDER! INTRUDER! GIR! THERE'S AN INTRUDER IN THE HOUSE!"

"Where?" Gir spoke from the bag. "I don't see nobody."

"I'm outta here!" Sticky ran for the door.

"GIR! STOP THE INTRUDER!" Zim shouted as he pulled out a blaster and started shooting the intruder.

"Yes, my Master!" Gir shouted. To Sticky's horror a little robot with red eyes burst forth from his bag and tackled him.

"I'm gonna tickle you! I'm gonna tickle you so much!" Gir said cheerfully as his eyes changed back to their normal turquoise. "Tickle, tickle, tickle…"

"HA! HA! NO! STOP!" Sticky fell to the floor laughing.

"You so ticklish! Tickle! Tickle!" Gir tickled the thief.

"Oh stop! Stop!" Sticky laughed. Suddenly he saw the alien loom over him. He was walking on strange spindly metal legs that came out of his back. "AAAHHHH!"

"Heh, heh, heh…" Zim cackled as he captured his prey.

The next thing Sticky knew he was strapped to a lab table in a huge underground base. "So foolish human, you thought you could spy on Zim and steal his secrets did you?" Zim sneered. "Admit it!"

"Look this is just a major misunderstanding…" Sticky gulped.

"ADMIT IT!" Zim yelled. "Well human you will pay for infiltrating my base! By the Irken rules of war that means you are my prisoner and I can and will do horrible experiments on you!"

"HORRIBLE!" Gir chirped cheerfully. "Wanna see my pig?" He took out a toy rubber pig and squeezed it in front of his face.

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

"Now what horrible experiment shall I do **first?**" Zim cackled and played with his hands. "Transplant your brain into a squid? No wait. I already did that. Ah maybe I'll turn your organs inside out? No, too messy…Ah ha! I know what to do! I will do my most horrible, terrible experiment ever!"

Zim pressed some buttons. A huge caldron of something loomed over Sticky. "Now Earth Scum! You shall be subjected to one of the truly great horrors of the world! I shall fuse your DNA…WITH A CALDRON OF MARSHMALLOW TOPPING! MUAH HA HA HA!"

"Listen you don't have to do this," Sticky was horrified at the prospect of his name having a more realistic meaning. "Just call the cops and…"

"Do you really think I am a fool? That I would call your Earth Security and turn myself in?" Zim snarled. "Well a fool I am not! But you are the fool who thinks that I am the fool but Zim is not a fool, fool!"

"I'm gonna sing the Doom Song!" Gir sang out. "_Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…."_

"Please! Just let me go! I swear I won't tell anybody!" Sticky struggled with his bonds.

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doooooooom!" _Gir sang in his ear.

"Now prepare yourself for the horror of stickyness!" Zim cackled.

"NOT TODAY ZIM!"

"WHAT?" Zim shouted. He was shoved backwards by a water spray. "AAAAAHHH! IT BURNS!"

Dib emerged heroically from the shadows. "You won't be experimenting with humans under my watch!"

"Dib! DIB!" Zim screamed from his burns. "I should have known! You work for the Dib don't you?"

"No…I…" Sticky gulped.

"DON'T YOU! AGGGGGHHHH! IT BURNS!" Zim was shoved backwards by another spray of water.

"It's okay! It's me! Agent Mothman here to rescue you!" Dib said cheerfully as he released Sticky's bonds.

"Thanks kid! That's an alien!" Sticky was stunned as he got up.

"I know! That's why I called! You're a member of the Swollen Eyeballs too!" Dib said cheerfully.

"A member of the what?" Sticky blinked.

"Here! Hold this hot dog gun!" Dib shoved a funny looking weapon in his hands. "Zim really hates these! I made it myself!"

"Hot dog gun?" Sticky blinked.

"It's a really effective weapon if we're gonna take down Zim **together!**" Dib said with enthusiasm. "I knew someone would come and help me! And you will help me Agent…I don't know your name but that's okay! Together the two of us can take on Zim and destroy the evil alien menace once and for all!"

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…"_ Gir kept singing cheerfully.

"Okay Kid, there has been one huge horrible misunderstanding…" Sticky backed up. This boy was definitely crazy and very annoying. "You see I was just…"

"Prepare yourselves for destruction!" Zim cackled as he entered the room riding a huge robotic weapon of some sort. It had a lot of laser cannons and looked like it could deal a lot of pain.

"Today you're gonna get destroyed Zim!" Dib shouted raising his fist. "Today there's two of us taking you on!"

"Wait…You expect **me** to help **you** take on **that **with only **water** and **hot dogs**?" Sticky yelled. "You're crazy! Forget it Kid! I'm outta here!" He dropped the gun and ran for his life.

"PREPARE TO DIE DIB!" Zim yelled. The sounds of Zim and Dib screaming as well as laser fire were heard.

But Sticky didn't stick around to find out. "Gotta get out of here! Gotta get out of here!" Sticky yelled. He couldn't find a way out. Then he saw some strange figures. "Okay…Please! Just help me!"

"Sure son…" One of the figures, a male with glasses emerged. Then sparks flew from his head. "Let's set fire to your hair!" His hands changed into flame throwers.

"Ooh! Let me take a picture and throw him in the garbage!" The female robot shrieked.

"AAAAAAHHH!" Sticky ran the other way with flames burning his behind. "HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Squeak!" A tiny flying moose flew by him. In desperation Sticky grabbed onto it's antlers.

It flew him back towards the room where Zim and Dib were. "NO! NOT HERE! NOT HERE!" Sticky screamed.

Suddenly he was knocked back by a wave of maple syrup. "NOT THE SYRUP GIR! NOT THE SYRUP!" Zim screamed. "AAAAHH!"

"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!" Dib yelled.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gir swam around in the syrup. "FLOATY!"

It was all a blur as Sticky tried not to drown in maple syrup. Somehow he ended up in a pipe which led to some kind of escape. He realize that he barely managed to crawl out of a toilet seat but he didn't care. He ran out of the house and down several streets for his life.

He finally stopped in another neighborhood nearby, covered in maple syrup, leaves and grass. "No way man, that was just completely **nuts**…" Sticky moaned. "Okay…Okay… I think I lost them. Pull yourself together Sticky. You still have to get some dough for the boss."

He saw a house nearby with an electric fence. "Let's try this one more time," Sticky sighed as he pulled out his Security Breaker. "At least this house can't be any worse than the **last one!"**

Or so he thought.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING IN MY ROOM?" A scary little girl with purple hair yelled at Sticky. "Hey! You're not my brother!"

"Look kid I've had a really **bad** night," Sticky moaned. "I'm just gonna take some stuff and…"

"I don't think so. Security…" Gaz snapped her fingers. Several toys popped to life. They then displayed some very sharp knives out of their tails, sharp fangs and in some cases lasers out of their paws.

"Oh **come** on!" Sticky moaned. "Little girl…If you let me go I'll tell you where you can find a talking green dog and an alien!"

"Sic 'em!" Gaz ordered.

Her toy enforcers advanced on the hapless criminal. "NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sticky screamed as the toys attacked him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

One hour later at the gate of the prison…

"LET ME IN!" Sticky pounded on the doors with what was left of his hands. He was covered in blood and bandages. "LET ME IN! YOU GOTTA LET ME IN! COME ON!"

"Well, well what do we have here?" One of two prison guards emerged. "Sticky Fingers Malone. The cops have been looking for you!"

"Please, you gotta let me in!" Sticky grabbed the guard's jacket. "Lock me up! Lock me up and save me!"

"Hey! Are you covered in **maple syrup**?" The guard winced. "EWWW!"

"You gotta save me! **Aliens **are out to get me!" Sticky sobbed. "Aliens and robots and talking green dogs and evil insane scary children with evil toys and hot dog guns and you gotta help me! I don't want to be fused to marshmallow topping!"

"Okay he's cracked," The second guard groaned. "Get him in a padded cell. Definitely crazy."

"And sticky!" The first guard whacked Sticky on the head with his billy club, knocking him out. "Hey didn't the Doc say he needed a patient to volunteer for a lobotomy tonight?"

"You're right. I think we just found him his volunteer," The second guard laughed as they dragged Sticky into the jail.

And that was the last anyone saw of Sticky Fingers Malone.


End file.
